BABINC Homepage Articles & Books Andy's Index

"You're Nobody 'Till Somebody Loves You"
Andy Bustanoby
(C) July 16, 2005

     Yeah, I've been listening to some of that old music again.  I mean,
     really old.  How about Dean Martin singing this 1950's favorite?

     As with so many of the old love songs, the music's good, but the
     lyrics are sad.  The song brings back memories.  It was very popular
     when I was a marriage and family therapist.  Many of my single
     clients could identify with, "You're nobody until somebody loves
     you/ You're nobody until somebody cares."

     But sadder still were the clients who told me stories of growing up
     with parents who loved them conditionally.  No, the parents didn't
     say it in so many words, but the verbal and nonverbal message was,
     I'll love you if . . . , but love never came.  It was manipulative.
     It kept the child hoping that love would come if he or she tried
     hard enough to please.

     What was sadder, still, was the married client who told the same
     story, and then appended it with, "And I had to marry the same kind
     of person.  I'm still loved conditionally, with conditions I can
     never meet."

     Perhaps you know the feeling.  That's the bad news.  But the good
     news is a love that has been given  sacrificially and

     The Apostle Paul said, "You see, at just the right time, when we
     were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.  Very  rarely
     will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone
     might possibly dare to die.  But God demonstrates his own love for
     us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Rom
     5: 6-8 - NIV).

     We were powerless to please a loving Father by keeping the Ten
     Commandments and the rest of the law.  This is why Jesus' Sermon On
     the Mount taught that if you're attempting to reach heaven by
     keeping the law, you must be perfect (Mt. 5:48).

     God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to show us an unconditional,
     sacrificial love--the sacrificial lamb of God sent to take away our
     sins.  All the Father asks is that we accept this gift of love--come
     to the Father through Jesus who calls Himself the door to the

     Perhaps if you embrace this unconditional love it will blot out the
     memories of that conditional love you've been haunted with--parents,
     who, perhaps are still living, but still not loving.  Maybe there's
     a husband or wife who is doing the same.

     You may ask how do you qualify for this Father's unconditional
     love.  If you're still a sinner, you qualify.

                                    # # #

Click here to email andy

Return to Top